


Sounds Like a Hell-Raiser

by aravistarkheena



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 16:59:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7853494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aravistarkheena/pseuds/aravistarkheena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during the events of the S5 episode "The Time of Angels"</p>
<p>The Doctor had promised Amy a planet, but neither of them could have predicted who would come with it. Despite Amy's jealousy, she shares a vulnerable moment with River before they venture into the Maze of the Dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sounds Like a Hell-Raiser

“Wait in the TARDIS,” he’d said.  
“It’s not safe,” he’d said.

Amy rolled her eyes and huffed as she leaned against the TARDIS doors, eyeing this new woman. The Doctor didn’t tell her to wait in the TARDIS. She’d probably fly off without him, to be honest.  
One “Hello, sweetie” graffitied into the future was enough to send her Raggedy Man running. “Sweetie?” Amy had thought. “What kind of woman dares call the Doctor sweetie and get away with it?”

Oh. That kind of woman.

The first Amy had seen of her was a sly wink to a security camera, 12,000 years in the past, dressed to kill in a silky black evening dress and blood-red Jimmy Choos. The Doctor winced at the sight of her, but tripped over himself to leap to her beck and call. “Jump,” she’d commanded from the starliner. “How high?” he asked without missing a heartbeat (from either of his hearts).

7775/349 x 10, 012/acorn. With an air corridor.

That’s how high.  
There she was, looking up at the remains of the starliner embedded in the Aplan temple. Swinging her heels in one hand and punching numbers into her communicator with the other. The Doctor stole glances at her out of the corner of his eye while he pretended to watch the clerics lower their camp unto the rocks. Who did she think she was, anyway? Flying the TARDIS and being good at everything, with her curves and her eyeshadow and her too-familiar sighs at the Doctor that said “Oh, I can just read you like a book. Better than you ever can, Amy.”

Amy wasn’t the sort to be intimidated by other women. She never had cause to be jealous. She’d only ever had one female friend, and Mels was more likely to steal your car than steal your boyfriend. No, Amy was the one other girls were afraid of. Finally after years of being the girl nobody talked to—the crazy one with the imaginary friend—she was Amy the Kiss-o-gram who’d kiss your boyfriend and get paid for it. Amy the Slutty Cop, or the Slutty Nurse, or the Slutty Nun. To the boys of Leadworth, she was the hottest commodity, and to the girls she was untouchable. Better yet, now she was Amy whose imaginary friend was real all along, Amy who saved Leadworth from Prisoner Zero. She got to be smug about that for a while, and nobody who’d ever teased her before could stand to look her in the eye, even two years later. It still didn’t feel like anybody respected her, but at least they feared her.

And here she was, her bright ginger candle snuffed out in the wake of River Song’s raging inferno. She’d only been traveling with the Doctor for a few days—this was their first proper planet—but he’d been her Raggedy Man for fourteen years. If anyone had a right to him, she did. And yet, River’s claim to him still seemed stronger.  
Oh damn, she was walking over. River smiled as she approached, carrying a beige bundle she’d gotten from one of the clerics. Amy flipped her hair and crossed her arms and tried to look nonchalant.

“Amy, is it?” River said with a smile in her voice, like she was sharing a joke with herself. She snapped her fingers and the TARDIS doors swung wide for her, sending Amy stumbling backwards.  
“Yes. Amelia Pond,” said Amy, shutting the doors.  
She smoothed down her hair and pursed her lips and strutted toward the console, taking the steps two-at-a time. She’d be cute. River might have the “untouchable” market cornered, but she was young, at least, and that had to count for something.  
She leaned against the railing to watch River with a wary eye; River had hung her heels above the console again, and was stroking the control panel lovingly. Who does she think she is, hanging her shoes about like that? Amy thought. As if to answer her, the TARDIS purred at River’s presence and seemed to lean into her touch, the way someone leans their face into the palm of their lover’s hand on their cheek. The lights beneath the glass floor throbbed with the double-heartbeats of a Timelord at peace. They shone a bit more golden for her, and the coppery paneling on the walls threw back a welcoming glow.

Damn, Amy thought, even the TARDIS likes her better than me.

River pulled down the dormant monitor to check her reflection, and she dabbed away at her makeup with a handkerchief. For a split second, Amy caught a crack in River’s flawless façade; she breathed a sigh of relief as she wiped off her lipstick, and winced as if it were burning her skin. The lipstick sizzled and glistened and shifted colors, like poison from a fairy tale.

“So, Amelia Pond,” River began, glancing up, “Would you be a doll, and get my zipper?”  
Amy blinked.  
“Oh! Sorry. Yeah.”

River lifted up her perfectly coifed hair, and Amy took a tentative step forward. She unzipped River’s ball gown carefully. She had never touched a dress so expensive before. She wondered how wealthy River was.

River shimmied out of her gown, revealing lacy black lingerie and far more curves than Amy could ever dream of. Amy looked away, but River didn’t seem the sort to get embarrassed. She was shameless. Fearless. Amy could see her in the reflection of the mirrored walls, walking to the back of the console room in bare feet and her underwear, like she owned the place. She disappeared behind a doorway. Amy crossed her arms and tapped the monitor to review the trivia of Alfava Metraxis. Might as well, she figured.  
Garn belt. Dundra system. 51st century. It meant nothing to her.

“So, 51st century?” she called out, over her shoulder, “Is this when you’re from?”  
“No, I was born is the 52nd,” said River from down a corridor, “But I take missions here sometimes…” she trailed off. “Damn! Where’s my closet?”  
Her closet?  
She padded back up the steps and ran her fingers through her hair, her gown draped over her arm. She draped it over the railing and sighed.  
“You’re early 21st, aren’t you?” she asked.  
“Century? Yeah. And my age. I’m twenty-one.”

River smiled fondly. Amy was uncomfortable.

“So how’d a nice girl like you end up with the Doctor?” River asked, unrolling her beige bundle. It was a set of camouflage combat fatigues with a pair of boots and a tactical belt.  
Amy hopped up unto the railing and crossed her legs.

“I’ve known him all my life,” she said, a bit territorially, “I’ve known him since I was a little girl. I spent my whole life dreaming he’d come back for me…and then he did.”  
“Ahh, yes. I know the feeling,” said River, with too much familiarity for Amy’s liking.  
Amy’s stomach turned. Was nothing sacred? Was there nothing she had with the Doctor that River didn’t have already?

“So how long have you been traveling with him?” River asked, wiggling into the jumpsuit.  
“It’s been two years since he first came back, but I’ve only been on the TARDIS for a few days. Just the other night Mels was over, painting my nails for my-” she paused. Her wedding. Rory. She pushed the thought away.  
“For a party the next day,” she continued, “And not even an hour later, I heard the TARDIS landing in my back garden. And here I am.”

River’s communicator buzzed, and she scrolled through an updated map Father Octavian had sent her.  
“Oh,” she said distractedly, “Mels? Friend of yours?”  
Amy laughed despite herself.  
“My best friend, yeah. She’s…she’s an absolute riot. She’s breaks all the rules and she’s not afraid of anything.”  
“I like the sound of her!” River said, with a far-away look in her eye. She fumbled with the buttons of her jumpsuit. Maybe her hands were shaking? Amy wasn’t paying attention.  
“Oh, you’d love her. You’d be thick as thieves. Actual thieves,” Amy said, rolling her eyes, “Oh God, Mels…if she could see me now! You know, she was my only friend for the longest time. Well, there was Rory, but… Anyway. All the other kids called me crazy when I talked about the Doctor. But Mels would come over and play with my cardboard TARDIS, and we’d dream of the day the Doctor would come and take us away. She’s the only one who believed me. She was so pissed she’d missed it when the Doctor came two years ago. ‘Raggedy Man was in fucking Leadworth while I was in jail? Prisoner Zero was there too?’ She didn’t speak to me for weeks.” Amy snorted with laughter.  
“But how was I supposed to know? Sometimes it seemed like she believed in him more than I did. I think she fancies him, really. Always has.”

River laughed and shook her head.  
“Well honestly, who wouldn’t? The damn know-it-all. I do hope your Mels gets to meet him someday.”  
“Mels and the Doctor? Now that’s a thought.” Amy chuckled. But now that she finally had the Doctor, she didn’t want to share him. Not even with Mels. Certainly not with River.  
“She sounds like a hell-raiser… Just how he likes,” said River.

Amy bristled a bit- she hated that River knew what the Doctor did and didn’t fancy. But she thought back to Mels, and her smile came back.

“Oh, she’s a right troublemaker! I spent nearly every afternoon of grade school waiting for her to get out of detention. Then she went on to bigger crimes. Like, me and Rory were bailing her out of jail every other week. Rory barely passed his nursing exam. I know she didn’t have anyone else, really…she was from the children’s home. But it did get old. No matter what I told her, she had to break the rules. It’s like she couldn’t help herself. Like she was programmed to drive me insane.”

River gave a sly smile, with a gleam in her eye. “Maybe she was… I don’t know, abducted by aliens and brainwashed into being a criminal!”  
“Very funny.”  
“Stranger things have happened,” River laughed, fastening her belt.  
It was a dry laugh. A sad laugh. For the first time that day, she seemed to show her age. She was beautiful still, but her eyes were clouded over, and the lines of her face seemed to deepen. When she looked up at Amy, she looked almost…matronly.

“I was a bit of a delinquent in my school days," she sighed, "Still am, really. Luckily, I had a friend like you. She dragged me out of trouble, lectured me when I needed it, tried to keep me on the right track. I didn’t turn out how she wished I would, but I still owe my life to her…in more ways than one. I’ve always wished I could thank her. I’m sure Mels feels the same. It sounds like you’re a good friend.”  
“Thanks,” Amy shrugged, with a sad smile. River looked away and bunched up her hair with her hands, letting out a big huff.

“Do you have an elastic?” she asked after a few moments.  
Amy reached up under the sleeve of her sweatshirt and found one.  
“Here, I’ll put up your hair for you,” she said.  
“You sure? Curly hair’s a bit different-”  
“Don’t worry; I used to do Mels’ hair all the time.”

River lingered at the console and turned over her communicator in her hands. Finally she came to the railing and turned around. As Amy sat up on the railing, high enough for River to feel short beneath her, she trailed her fingers through River’s curls.  
“I feel like a child again,” River chuckled to herself, “It’s been a long time since somebody else did my hair.”  
Amy gathered River’s hair into one hand and secured it into a ponytail. She separated it into smaller sections and smoothed the curls around her fingers, twisting them into little corkscrews. Just like she used to do for Mels, so long ago.  
“I just want what’s best, you know,” Amy said, “But she never bloody listens. She’s greying my hair.” She absently rested her hands on River’s head, and River leaned into her palms.  
“Take it from me. One day she’ll realize how much you’ve done for her. When she’s older and more mature, when she’s seen what life is like without you there to guide her, then she’ll be grateful. One day she’ll thank you properly.”  
“Ha! That’ll be the day,” Amy said as she hopped down from the railing, her blue converse squeaking against the glass.  
“You know,” she added as an afterthought, “we once promised we’d name our first daughters after each other. It’s dumb, I know. Doesn’t matter… I don’t think I’m the mothering type.”

River crossed over to the monitor to check her reflection once again. She lifted up a corkscrew curl and stared. Finally, she looked back up at Amy.  
“If it means anything coming from me, I’m sure you’ll be a great mother.”

Amy huffed. She didn’t want to think about that. She’d run away with a madman the night before her wedding, just to get away from the idea of settling down. With Rory, no less. He was nice enough, but…he wasn’t the Doctor. She wondered if the Doctor would ever look at her and think ‘She’s nice enough, but she isn’t River.’

Come on, Pond; you’re not the jealous type, she told herself. She shoved her hands into her pockets and avoided River’s eyes.  
River tied her boots in silence. She was still gorgeous, even in her jumpsuit. It was a fierce sort of beauty, fearsome to behold. She knew her place, and her place was at the top. . Like that elf queen from the fantasy movie Rory and the blokes love so much- beautiful and terrible as the dawn. She remembered what the Doctor had said about the words on the homebox back at the museum. She could burn stars and raise up empires and topple gods.  
She breaks all the rules, and she’s not afraid of anything.

When River stood up, there was no sign she’d ever been vulnerable. That she’d ever been anything but untouchable. Her smile was wide but it didn’t reach her eyes.  
“Nice chat!” she said at last, “Weeping angels, then. Father Octavian is waiting. Best see how the Doctor and the clerics are getting on.”  
Amy shrugged and leaned against the console. She followed with her eyes as River left the TARDIS, taking the stairs two at a time. The TARDIS door swung open for her and she bounded off, hungry for an adventure.  
She's a hell-raiser, Amy thought, just how he likes.


End file.
